August 21, 2011
All Hail The Fake Season Czar™
by Keith Weiland

Coach August would like to use this space to remind all of y'all that champions are made by how you practice, and especially by how you play these practice games. You see, these preseason victories give the team momentum, and that's just not something you flip on and off.

You probably think it's hard to flip it back on in the final month of the season, too, like when a team starts off 4-7 then really rips into it when it counts down the stretch. That's right. Coach August likes being Coach December, too. That's just how he rolls.

Hell yeah, the Texans whupped the Saints and Jets at home in fake games to start the preseason 2-0. Those are playoff teams, darn good ones, too. Their second and third stringers are really licking their wounds after making the trip to Gridiron, Texas, aren't they?

So damn right you better start printing those Super Bowl tickets. Mayor Annise Parker, if you haven't already drawn up the parade route, then you might as well punch FEMA into your speed dial. You're gonna want to go National Guard on this town once this team gets rolling.

These Texans are a juggernaut because the preseason tells us so. Buckle up, Space City. We are a go for launch. Once we get done with August, then look out for us come December because you know that The Fake Season Czar™ never loses in Week 17. That's right, 5-0 to close out every regular season, 'cause there's nothing like having that momentum heading into next August.

Oh snap, NFL! You just got served.

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