That Didn't Just Happen
bet many of you are clicking this page expecting to find a pithy
yet somewhat insightful post-game regurgitation of what happened
when the Texans hosted the Buccaneers in the final pretend game
of the 2008 season. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I refuse
to believe anything that fake would cost me four hours and more
it denial, call it self-defense, I just don't want to recall it
really, do you expect me to believe that the czar of the preseason,
our very own head coach Gary Kubiak, would really finish the fake
pigskin capades with anything less than a winning record? Really.
believe if you want that 16-6 final score over there in the left
margin. I didn't put it there. No way. I know I just didn't sit
through - much less pay full regular season ticket prices for -
a meaningless show of eight, count 'em EIGHT, freaking punts by
did I even see anything to do with Texans quarterbacks completing
just 45 percent of their throws or with running backs gaining just
39 yards on a 2.8-yard per carry average.
like I'm going to hand out games balls for a pretend game that somehow
never took place. I suppose if I did, I might think that if DT Anthony
Maddox registered a sack and interception, that maybe it was because
he really wanted to prove once and for all a roster spot was deservedly
maybe, just maybe, we can all leave
Petey Faggins alone once and for all since he might have been
not only the best corner on the field tonight - again, assuming
tonight even happened, which it didn't - but the best corner this
entire preseason. So there, I said it. Get well soon, Dunta.
lord, the charade of a mirage continues, does it? Well, I doubt
very seriously that any pretend team led by the preseason caesar
would ever give nearly 40 minutes of possession to an otherwise
feckless opponent, but assuming he did in some weirdo, pseudo-alternative
universe, then that would have to be my key stat of the game.
hoping the Texans mix in a running game when they play for realz
in nine more days.
brings me to...
Green Restructures for Roster Survival
likely forced with the option of either agreeing to review the financial
parameters of his contract or agreeing to share Sun Chips and a
bong with Ced Benson this Labor Day weekend on Lake Travis, wisely
chose the former and restructured the 2008 season of his contract.
He lowered his base pay compensation by $2 million this season,
but increased his per game roster bonus to $200,000 per beginning
move ensures Green will survive the final cuts (due Saturday, though
the Turk's dirty work is expected to be announced by the team on
Friday afternoon). It's a nifty move by the front office, as they
keep around a player that may still be the best option at running
back if healthy enough to play, and if not, reduces some petty cash
out of owner Bob McNair's change purse.
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