Kubiak's Preseason Pillage Continues
Kubiak is making the NFL preseason his bitch. With a 31-27 win on
the road against the Saints, Kubiak won for the seventh time in
ten fake contests as Houston's head coach, essentially making him
the Ghengis Khan of the exhibition Texans.
there were such a thing as a preseason Hall of Fame, Kubiak’s
bust would have been chiseled by the second half kickoff. C’mon,
a .700 winning percentage? It’s hardly a fair fight anymore.
Vince Lombardi only wishes he had the same winning prowess on a
preseason sideline as Kubiak.
I can’t confirm this, but only because I’m too lazy
to research winning percentages of preseason head coaches. But .700
is still freaking strong. I’m sure it must be better than
Don Shula, Tom Landry, or some other overrated preseason head coach.)
fact, I can’t think of a better way to demonstrate Kubiak's
dominance as a preseason caesar than by analogy.
Kubiak : Preseason :: New York Yankees : 1927
Thanks to a performance led by Kubiak’s field general, quarterback
Matt Schaub, the first team offense moved at will, scoring on all
three possessions for 17 first half points. So effective was Schaub,
as evidenced by his 14-16 passing for 187 yards and two touchdowns.
Tough to improve on a quarterback rating of 155.0, but I’m
guessing Kubiak has already devised a gameplan for it.
the time rookie Steve Slaton scooted upfield for a 10-yard touchdown
midway through the fourth quarter, the inevitable became a reality.
Kubiak now has just six days to rally his murderer’s row for
another road conquest, this time up I-45 against the Cowboys. But
fear is not just another four-letter word in Kubiak’s preseason
vocabulary. Not when preseason history on his side.
Kevin Walter gets no respect, not even after catching six balls
for 100 yards in just one half of fake season football. So noteworthy
was his performance that the Associated Press named him Ken
Walter in the post-game recap. What’s a baller to do?
And Kung Fu Panda deserves some extra dumplings at dinner tonight.
He’s played close to a full game’s worth of exhibition
football and has yet to show his rookie-ness. Brown has shown some
good feet protecting the blindside, and while he is part of a line
still struggling to dominate in the run game, he’s doing alright
against undersized ends.
21 completions, 25 attempts, 289 yards, 2 touchdowns, 0 interceptions
The Saints aren’t going to be confused with having what I
would call a “competent secondary”, but the Texans quarterbacks
abused them appropriately enough. The 84% completion rate might
have been even higher had Schaub not made the decision to get rid
of the ball on his first attempt to avoid the pass rush. The quarterbacks’
success was due in large part to an offensive line that gave them
ample time to throw and a pocket so deep that even made billionaire
Bob McNair blush.
The battle for Texas reconvenes in southern Oklahoma – er,
Irving – as the Texans (2-0) look to embarrass the Cowboys
(0-2). I shudder to think that Bum Phillips might actually be rooting
for the Star in this one, what with his son selling his soul to
the devil – er, Jerrah – but expect Kubiak to unleash
his own version of exhibition hell on the Hard Knocks honeys.
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